I CAN´T

Living the life hoping that someday, I’ll get over you and find someone better
(A letter to those who are also profoundly adoring Xyrel Tuson)

I can’t. (I can but I wouldn’t.)

Letting go? Although an earthly cliché, how can you let go of someone (whom you adored and already planned to settle with) if he didn’t even have a commitment- a promise of a never-ending river of love and bare loyalty with you? How can you ever forget his Rizal-like face and bold wits and worldly opinions? If he’s that monsieur-type you want, how can you ever put your gaze unto others?

Stop that execrable drama. You can! And you should.

It’s now for you to leave the wilderness and get out of your own annoyingly oblivious savageness. Stop clinging onto the vines of cowardice and idiocy for you might fall again, harder and faster than before. Be alert. No one’s going to catch you. . . again.

You’re already thinking about it, don’t you?

Oui! He’s making that curved lips appear on you face. Oui! He drives you to do your best (and it’s scientifically proven that being emotionally aroused provokes the production of endorphpins). Oui! He’s your life, (in whole or in part thereof). Oui! He makes that reddish fist-sized organ inside your ribcage continue to pump amazingly, soon unleashing that uncommon and weird feeling of happiness and contentment.

Sadly, the truth is that he can´t (and wouldn’t) love you. It is because he believes and already told you that, “having a relationship is not a requirement to graduate in high school nor in Bicol University.” (Note that he’s a former-political-science-present-accountancy student). Albeit, you know that he’s sometimes a hypocrite for he has many flings!

The ultimatum to the reader: wake up on that daydream, be independent, turn back and smile grotesquely. Smile like you already know how to make yourself happy.

-Clarence Janna Nieva

Guinobatan, Albay

May, 2016