Journal Entry #1: New Song, Same Old Feeling

I was so happy doing my school works until this random song, included in Spotify’s Top Hits Philippines, beamed through the speakers.

Malaya by Moira Dela Torre

“Mangangarap hanggang sa pagbalik.

Mangangarap pa rin. . . kahit masakit.”

I tell you, I was not familiar with the song.  And I rarely play Filipino love songs (for I find them too sentimental and I don’t want to make myself miserable) but there’s something about the song that fretted my heart with pain. It almost felt like I was breathing in the same old air again. It felt like a void inside my heart was reopened like a fresh wound. (Curse that metaphor). Now, I´m leafing the chapter I savoured before on the first time I read it, trying to relive it again.

“Baka sakali, makita kita muli.”

Again, I don’t want to make myself miserable. I’m happy now. I feel happy now. I know he’s also happy. But, I tell you, I was more than just happy with that kid- a kid with a birthmark on his cheek.

“Maari bang magkunwaring akin ka pa?”

I don’t know. I am supposed to feel happy. The fact that I had I for just a moment was enough. Still, I don’t know. Perhaps, I still want him back. I want him back. (GOSH. Why am I even writing this?)

I’m wondering, does he care enough to read and listen to the same song for once?

“Kung pipilitin pa, masasaktan,” is enough to put everything down. No, this is not a come-save-me-Romeo childsplay; perhaps, it is.

-Journal Entry, 11/27/17